Building Walls

Have you heard the saying, “Don’t tell me what they said about me. But, tell me why they were so comfortable telling you?” Most people would agree that trust is important. Even among criminals, trust is an intricate part of how they plan their next move with their fellow racketeers.Credence is essential, not only for outlaws, but especially for women.

Assurance among women is usually earned, only after jumping through a few hoops and biding our time. Eventually, an everlasting friendship may be formed. But, before a friendship can exist, we have to climb over some pretty tall walls. A part of being a woman often involves the building of walls–rarely do we let others enter easily. I’m not talking about literal walls, like that ones that can separate two countries or the walls where you can hang the latest family photo. I’m referring to emotional walls. And oh, are we the most stellar architects when it comes to designing and constructing emotional walls to keep out potential enemies!

A friend once told me that “women have memories like elephants, so be careful what you share with them [women].” My mother also warned me, “Don’t you dare tell any woman about what goes on between you and your husband!” Geez, I’ve received so many warnings regarding trusting other women! One might think that women were made up of hazardous materials that could very well end your life, if you ever got too close to them. I took heed to these warnings. My walls were built, with huge caution signs plastered everywhere.

However, as I got older, I found all of the warnings about “distrusting women” to be a bit hypocritical–at times. Some of us will give a no-good man 20 chances, but retreat behind our walls at the first sign of imperfection from a platonic friend. As women, we warn our dearest friends/family about flawed other women. Some of us, as women, believe that women are inherently untrustworthy, jealous beings who usually have an ulterior motive to hurt us…to harm us…”WOMEN ARE HAZARDOUS!” is what we repeatedly tell those in our “circle of trust,” who are obviously the exceptions to the rule. Some of us even hope for “sons,” because of our ill-feelings towards females. If we have daughters, we advise them to “Be cautious–very cautious–when dealing with other girls!” But, should we be cautious? Is the foundation of our attitudes misogynistic at the core? Well, I’m now inclined to say “Yes, be cautious, but also be less misogynistic after acknowledging that we are being just that–at times.” I do not believe that all women are spawns of the dark-side, incapable of being trusted. However, here is the caveat: Keep one eye open, and do not blindly trust anyone. Please, build your walls if you must, but also construct a door for the honorable people who may knock. And one more thing: If members from your circle should dine with those who are NOT apart of your circle of trust, use discernment! They do not have to be casted to the other side of the wall, but you might want to keep them near the door.