“You must not know ‘bout me. I can have another you in a minute.” Queen Bey sang this as an empowerment anthem for women in disintegrating relationships. I suppose it works in music videos and making hit music. But, if we’re talking about homemaking, and we are…no. You cannot have another me in a minute. In my home, I am absolutely irreplaceable.
In my home, I am the Heartbeat, the Soul, the Pace-Keeper, and the Creatrix. I am the Nurturer of Visions, able to gestate and hold them until the appointed time of their birth. I lay the foundation for greatness, create a solid environment for releasing good citizens into the community, and I ensure my home is the invitation for strangers to become friends. This is not just putting a fancy spin on a job description so that I can get over the fact that I’m really just scrubbing toilets. No, Sis. This is really who I am and what I do here. I am a Home. Maker. But it wasn’t always this way. I didn’t always see my position in the home as one of prestige and privilege. Years ago, my family and my home were my greatest burdens.
You see, I had bought into a philosophy that does not value a woman’s gifts in her home and family. In our society, women are most celebrated for their drive and ambition to achieve out in the world. The messages were all around me and unaware, I adopted these ideas as my own limiting beliefs:
● I have two degrees. I’m better than that.
● Homemaking is for the ‘50’s.
● I want to matter to the world! I have so much to offer!
● Homemaking is a waste of my skills.
● And while he is off creating a brilliant career, what am I…just his wife??
● Stay at home moms are lazy. I have more to do than lay around at home all day.
The list of ideologies and beliefs were way too long and I used them like ammo in my own arsenal. After all, I had a lot to prove! I needed to show “them” I didn’t get out of the military after 10 years of service “just to stay at home!” I had a lot to defend too. My right as a free-thinking, independent woman was at stake! I was a woman with goals and dreams before my Husband, and he was joining a journey already in progress. I cringe even writing this now, but I’m so grateful for transformation and do-overs. Little did I know, thinking this way, I was literally tearing apart our kingdom with my pursuits and ambitions. I was becoming resentful of my husband, as he would leave for work everyday making a difference for the Air Force, and what was I doing? Matching socks and making grocery lists. Plugged into the system of achievement to prove my worth and value, I was losing my feminine edge…and my husband’s heart to trust me.
I remember the day, 9 years ago, when I finally got a wake up call. I was nursing my colicky baby, on a conference call, and balancing a notebook to take notes on how to make millions as an entrepreneur. The coach was a single female, no knowledge of nomadic military life, no kids. And she was my blueprint. She was extremely successful, however that was not how my life looked. I was a mom, with three kids–four years old and under–and also had a husband who could deploy at any time. I needed to pay attention to my life. The journey to appreciating being a homemaker and stay-at-home-mom was a long one. But, the benefits have been incredibly rewarding. Here are a few:
● In the time that my energy (my time, attention, focus) has been 100% funneled into my home and family, my husband has been promoted multiple times and has held many senior level leadership positions in the past five years. This is directly related to my ability to catch his vision for what he wanted to create professionally and personally, and ensure a few things: a. Build strategy for connecting and relating to the larger community we’re part of, and create synergistic relationships with the people around us. b. His vision is carried out in ways that make a significant difference to the people he serves and those who serve alongside him. c. Because he knows I’m all in, he can continue to envision ways to support our base, our mission, and our community. This equates to increased prosperity for the entire environment in which we belong.
● My children see how our home functions as a place of acceptance and love, and they are able to take this into their schools and their own experience.
● With a watchful eye on how my children are developing, I have an opportunity to see clearly areas that need tuning up, what needs to be pruned and what should be expanded even more. This builds self-confidence in them and their ability to perform in the world.